Life's Lessons to Live By

 “WHEN YOU LAUGH, THE WORLD LAUGHS WITH YOU

BUT WHEN YOU CRY, YOU CRY ALONE.”

When I was in college, every time I hear her name, people would say:

“Ah si Ma’am ba? Napaka-istrikto nun!”

“Napakababa niyang magbigay ng grade. Good luck!”

“Humanda ka ‘pag siya ang naging teacher mo! Wag kang magpapa-late”

“Kapag may assignment, ipasa mo agad!”

“Wag kang a-absent”

“Magda-drop na ako sa English 105. Natatakot ako kay Ma’am.”

“Napaka-istrikto niya. Parang hindi ako papasa”.

These remarks frightened me because she was my teacher in English 100 that time. She was strict, yes. She gave us difficult exams, yes. She was never late and expects us to do the same, yes. As a student, we must abide by the rules, yes. And we really have to study, unfortunately and fortunately, (beat the drum thrice) YES!

When I became an Eduk student (specializing in English), I met her again. My fears of having her as a teacher again grew more. This time, I cannot abide by her rules because I have other obligations other than studying. I was a newly elected as a president of a dying organization at that time. Although I was only more than two months member, I was elected right away to lead a handful of members. The organization was dying. It almost died actually. I am not a good leader but I have to try my best. As a new leader, I was expected to revive it, or so I think.

To revive the organization, we must solve the financial crisis and we must recruit new members. We did the latter. We succeeded, I guess. However, the former requires a lot of sacrifice and patience. And so, I signed (without thinking twice) a contract worth 1.9 million with the producer of Ang Guro Musical Play starring Ms. Marquez of GMA 7.

After signing the contract, the organization had to endorse the musical play to different educational institutions in Nueva Ecija. However, only few members of the organization were willing to help which forced me to sacrifice my classes. Even those members whose neighbor is a principal did not even try to endorse the play. Even those whose teacher is a teacher did not ask me how they can help. They were just texting me asking for updates of the program’s success. I was sad and angry which made me decide to do things on my own. That was the moment when I started facing problems in my classes. I even told myself that if I have to drop any of my subjects, I will drop it.

When I was at the verge of falling down, one of my seven (if I am not mistaken) teachers approached me. She called me outside then led me to a park at the back of the classrooms. She asked why I was absent for the pass few meetings. I was about to lie. I had no intention to tell her the truth. I was afraid. I don’t know what to say. She looked at me. She stared at me. I was sitting and she was standing. I was at the point of lying to her but her voice was so powerful. It was so strong, so motherly, so caring, so loving. When I looked at her, I started telling her the truth—everything. I don’t know but I felt I had to. I admitted it was my fault.

She was silent for a moment. Then she asked me if I had dreams. Yes, I replied. She reminded me about the dreams of my parents for me. I started crying. I told myself that I had big dreams. Silently, I reminded myself that I no longer want to suffer how unfair life is. I did not speak for a while. I was listening to her. My tears started falling down from my eyes again. Then (if I am not mistaken) I saw crystal balls falling down from her eyes too. I wanted to hug her as if she was my mother but I didn’t. When I was still sobbing, she said,

“Marvin, anak, when you laugh, the world laughs with you…

But when you cry, you cry alone.”

It echoed in my mind and I sobbed even more. She further explained that I had to prioritize my studies. I had to make sure that I will not break my parents’ heart. I had to secure my future first before trying to be a hero for others. I had to be good to myself first before being good to others who do not value my sacrifices in the end when I fail. Yes, it’s hard to pursue something big when you’ll sacrifice something bigger. And it’s even harder to give up something when you know it is the reason why you are in that place.

After that moment, I decided not to drop any of my subjects. Most of all, I resigned as a president of the organization. I got low grades that semester but I started once again. I did the biggest mistake in my life but I learned a lot from it. It happened for a greater good.

After that very significant encounter with my teacher, when I hear people talking about her firmness in the class, I just smile. I know that deep inside her strictness resides a caring and loving mother. She is ONE of the teachers who wishes to see the better things, if not the best, in her children—her students. The way I see her as a teacher totally changed. The way I perceived teaching changed. The way I see teachers WITHOUT an M.A. or M.S. degree changed. Importantly, the way I see myself in the future changed. And I will always remember the only teacher who talked to an ordinary student when he was about to lose everything he was dreaming for. I hope she will be my teacher once again and yours too. She is a living heroine—a modern one.

As Jeff Goins said, “Some heroes fly beneath the radar. They aren’t celebrities and you won’t see them on the conference main stage. But they give of themselves for the greater good. They act nobly. Their lives inspire.”

Oh, did I forget to tell her name?—I was talking about NANAY CAROL of CAS, CLSU.

April 24, 2013

1:09 a.m.-1:30 a.m.

Note: I forgot some part of the conversation I had with her but I tried to capture the most important things that happened.—MISinacay

To read in a pdf format, click the following link: http://www.slideshare.net/marvinsinacay/nanay-carol

To read it in my blog, click the following link: http://sinacaymarvin.wordpress.com/2013/04/27/lifes-lessons-to-live-by/

Thanks for reading.

Education in the Philippines: Looking Backwards and Looking Forward

source: http://joshweinstein.wordpress.com

While looking for a picture to inspire me from writing, I came across with this photo which I found at ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ Josh Weinstein’s blog. It reminds me of my elementary days when I was in a far-flung school in Carranglan, Nueva Ecija (Central Luzon, Philippines). Still, I can clearly remember those cold mornings and hot afternoons when I, together with my four younger siblings, have to walk more than five to 10 kilometers to and from our nipa hut to the school regardless of the weather. Whether it’s raining or not, we have to go to school; whether our slipper is torn or new, we have to go to school.

During those times, I didn’t blame anyone for what was happening to me. I thought it was just normal to walk such distance to reach the school panting just to catch up with the singing of the national anthem. During rainy days, the small bruises on our knees caused by sharp grasses will turn red. Eventually, it will swell then a thick yellowish-white fluid will come out of it. It was painful especially when blood will come out too when we stumble from running. I did not complain, never.

At school, I never thought that there was something wrong in the very hot and noisy classroom due to large number of students in each class. I never asked for a ball to play during break times. Back then, I never saw a swing where I and my friends could laugh out loud while alternately swinging each other. Running in all the four corners of the school, sometimes we even went out of the school fences, is enough for us to say we are playing.

Looking at our teachers, I never thought that their salary is not enough for teaching us while they cannot teach their own children. Seeing the torn chalkboard, I never thought that someone should buy and replace it. I never had an idea that whiteboard already exists during those times or that there is an LCD projector where the whole lesson could be flashed including pictures and videos.

When I was sent to Maejo University, Chiang Mai, Thailand for my student teaching apprenticeship (at my parents’ and relatives’ expense), my eagerness to teach grew even more. I would like to tell the young ones that everything is not normal. They have to realize that something is going wrong in our country.

I am not totally blaming the government for the quality of education that the young generation, including me, is receiving. Perhaps, I could blame our parents but I will not put all the blame on them. Perhaps, I could blame the previous and present leaders but I could not put the blame on them all. Maybe everyone should be blamed. We were all responsible for the sufferings which are happening and will happen in the years to come if we will not prevent it. However, what is the point of blaming each other? Of pointing who is wrong and who is right? Maybe to identify which was wrong and what is still wrong should be better. And to propose solutions could be the best. But to test the proposed solutions through implementation could be the BESTEST (please include in your dictionary).

Now, let us identify some ironies happening surrounding us. While many of us are taking online courses abroad, many classes in the public schools in the Philippines are taking place under trees or dilapidated school buildings. It should have been given attention many years back, not just now.

While many of us are using computers to make our tasks easier, still in most classrooms in the rural areas, we will see students and teachers alike are using chalkboards. Sometimes, even pea-sized chalks are collected to be used when the teacher runs out of chalk.

While many of our fellow teachers, lawyers, doctors, engineers and businessmen are pursuing higher education in prestigious universities abroad, some students did not and will not even taste how comfortable it is to learn in a very conducive classroom. While some children are going to work instead of studying in exchange of their daily foods, scholarships are being given to University professors to pursue their studies abroad.

While the government is giving laptop computers to selected students, whom they say deserve it, many students cannot even afford to buy notebooks, pencil and pen, and bags. Worst, some are wearing slippers, not shoes.

Lola, unfair pa rin ang buhay

      Enero noon, nakahiga ako habang nagbabasa ng aklat sa Dorm 8, Room 4 nang biglang tumunog ang aking telepono. Binabasa ko nang mga sandaling iyon yung nobelang Ballad of Frankie Silver kaya’t ayaw kong maisturbo. Nasa punto na ako na bibitayin na siya kaya’t sobra ang aking pagkasabik kung anong susunod na eksena. Hinayaan ko lang itong tumunog nang tumunog ngunit hindi nagsawa kung sinuman yung tumatawag na iyon. Iginalaw ko ang aking paa upang abutin ang telepono sa aking paanan habang nagbabasa pa rin ako.

“Kuya, si Dexter po ito. Pakitawagan daw po sila tita---”,

“At bakit ko naman sila tatawagan?”putol ko sa sasabihin niya dala ng aking pagkabuwisit.

“Kwan kasi...ano... ”

“Ano? dali may ginagawa ako”, lalo akong naasar sa paligoy-ligoy niyang estilo.

“Si lola kasi wala na…”

Hindi ko na naintindihan pa ang iba niyang sinabi. Matagal akong nakatitig sa pinto ng aming kwarto. Mabilis na dumaloy ang masaganang luha sa aking mga pisngi. Nakatingin lang ang aking aking room mate na si Mark. Nakabuka ang kanyang mga bibig, parang may gustong itanong ngunit hindi niya masabi. Wala na si Lola, hindi ko na siya mayayakap pang muli. Hindi na kami magkukwentuhan pa kahit kailan. Hindi na niya masasaksihan ang aking pag-akyat sa entablado.

Lumiban ako ng dalawang araw sa klase para makapunta sa burol at libing niya. Sabi ng aking Tita, bibigyan daw kami lahat ng pagkakataon na magsalita at kausapin si Lola bago ilibing. Naisip kong malaking kalokohan iyon ngunit naisip kong baka nga maririnig niya pa ako kaya’t naghanda ako ng mga sasabihin ko.

“Lola, kung naririnig  man po ninyo ako ngayon huwag niyo na po sanang hanapin ang aking mga kapatid lalo na si Ate. Biglaan po kasi ang nangyari kaya hindi na sila nakapunta. Kami lang po ni nanay ang nandito pero sana.. ” hindi ko na naituloy pa ang iba kong sasabihin. Idinaan ko na lang sa aking mga hikbi ang aking mensahe. Naaalala ko kasi sa kusinang iyon din kami nagkukwentuhan dati. Doon mismo sa pinagpatungan ng kanyang kabaong, dun kami nagkukwentuhan bago matulog. Mas gusto kong magtanong sa mga puntong iyon kaysa magpaalam o magpasalamat ngunit dinaig ako ng aking pangungulila at pagkasabik sa mga kwento niya.

Gusto kong itanong kung bakit napakadaya niya. Umalis siyang hindi man lang nagpaalam. Kung alam ko lang na hindi ko na siya mayayakap pa, sana mas tinagalan at mas hinigpitan ko ang pagyakap sa kanya noon ilang taon na rin ang nakaraan.

Hapon noon nang dumating ako sa bahay ni Lola. Dati naming bahay iyon sa Salazar, Carranglan, Nueva Ecija halos sampung taon na rin ang lumipas. Umalis kami doon dahil sa hirap ng buhay. Halos walang maisaing. Napadpad kami doon bago ako pumasok ng elementarya. Sa pagkakatanda ko, nagkagulo noon sa minahan namin sa Dingalan,Aurora kaya kami lumipat doon. Nang maubos ang ipon nina tatay at nanay mula sa minahan, ipinasya nilang bumalik na lang ulit kami sa Aurora kaysa mamatay kaming lahat na dilat ang mga mata. Makalipas ang ilang taon, ipinasya kong dalawin si Lola dahil siya na lang ang nakatira sa bahay. Naiwan siya doon dahil ayaw niyang sumama sa amin. Doon daw siya mamamatay dahil lupa nila iyon ni Lolo bago pa ipinganak sila nanay. Doon din daw siya ililibing sa tabi ng puntod ni Lolo.

Naglalaba siya sa likod bahay nang dumating ako. Dahan-dahan ko siyang nilapitan at niyakap. Hindi siya nagsalita agad. Tinitigan muna niya ako nang matagal.

Hipay ngadan mo? Ang tanging nasabi niya.

Lola, si Pepito po ito. Saka pa lamang siya ngumiti. Iyon kasi ang tawag niya sa akin mula noong bata pa ako.

Kulubot na ang kanyang mga balat. Maputi na ang kanyang mga buhok. Hindi na niya ako namukhaan. Bakas sa kanyang mga mukha ang hirap ng buhay na dinaranas niya. Nalungkot ako. Bago pa mamalisbis ang luha sa aking mga mata, inaya ko na siyang magpahinga muna sa loob ng bahay. Nagkuwentuhan kami habang nagmemeryenda ng mga dala kong pasalubong. Madaling araw na kami nakatulog sa dami ng aming napagkwentuhan. Sa aking pag-uwi niyakap ko ulit siya. Ngunit hindi ko alam na iyon na pala ang huli. Kung alam ko lang disin sanaý mas hinigpitan ko pa at tinagalan ang pagyakap sa kanya.

Doon ko ibinuhos sa kanyang puntod ang aking mga sama ng loob. Naisip kong napaka-unfair niya. 

Nagtanong ako nang nagtanong sa kanya. Mga katanungang sana‘ý naitanong ko sa kanya noong nabubuhay pa siya. Gusto ko sanang itanong kung bakit ako ganito, kung bakit hindi ako tanggap ng lipunan, kung bakit magkakagalit si nanay at mga kapatid niya mula noong nagkamalay ako hanggang sa mga sandaling iyon, kung bakit kailangang ipaampon ang aming pang siyam na kapatid, kung bakit pinayagang mag-asawa agad si Ate at yung dalawang mas nakababata kong kapatid, kung sino talaga ang aking tatay at marami pang ibang katanungan na sa tingin koý sa kanya ko lang pwedeng itanong.

Noong nasa elementarya pa lamang ako, natutulog kaming dalawa doon sa papag sa kusina. Lagi kaming nagkukuwentuhan doon bago matulog. Naiingayan kasi sina nanay at tatay kapag dun kami magkukuwentuhan sa itaas kaya dun na lang kami natutulog para pwedeng magkuwentuhan.. Hindi siya nauubusan ng kuwento. Sabi ng iba masungit daw siya ngunit para sa akin kabaligtaran noon ang pagkakakilala ko sa kanya.

Misan, nakikipaghabulan ako sa mga kalaro kong kapitbahay namin. Nadapa ako at nagasgasan kaya naabutan niya akong nakadapa at umiiyak dahil iniwan ako ng mga kalaro ko nang makitang nadapa ako at paparating si Lola. Nagtakbuhan sila habang naghahagikgikan. Hindi niya ako tinulungang bumangon, hinayaan niya ako.

Dapat matuto kang bumangon kung saan ka nadapa, aniya.

Gusto kong magalit sa kanya noon dahil nadapa na nga ako, mahapdi pa ang aking mga gasgas, sesermunan pa yata ako. Hindi na ako kumibo. Nagtampo ako.

Maraming taon na rin pala ang dumaan kaya’t natanggap ko nang wala na talaga siya. Higit sa lahat, naintindihan ko nang mabuti ang sinabi niyang pagbangon mula sa pagkakadapa. Si Lola talaga, napakadaya. Kung ipinaliwanag niya agad noon iyon disin sana’y hindi ako nagtampo sa kanya noon.

Basta si Lola, unfair! Kasing unfair niya ang buhay. Yun bang nasaktan ka na nga, sasaktan ka pa. Iniwan ka na, kailangan mo pang matutong tumayo mag-isa para harapin ang buhay na nakalimutan mo bago ka iwanan. Parang si Frankie Silver lang, biktima na nga siya ng pagkakataon, binitay pa siya. Ang lamang niya, napakatapang niyang hinarap ang kanyang kamatayan. Kung ikukumpara ko ang herstory nilang dalawa, halos parehas lang. Ang ipinagkaiba lang, hindi martir si Lola.

Matapang din si Lola, ang kaibahan lang ay may pagkamadaya siya. Hinayaan pa niyang ako ang maglagay ng alkohol sa mga gasgas ko. Hindi naman niya agad sinabi kung bakit ganoon. Nakaaasar. Hindi bale, may natutunan naman ako. Kung pwede lang, sasabihin ko sa kanyang hanggang ngayon ay unfair pa rin ang buhay.

Limang taon na rin pala ang nakaraan mula noong pumanaw siya. Isang buwan na lang siguro at matatapos na ang ipinapagawa kong resort kung loloobin ng Panginoong Diyos doon sa lupang pag-aari nila ni Lolo noong nabubuhay pa sila. Ipapangalan ko ito kay Lola, Victoria’s Garden and Resort.